Dear Breast Cancer,
I have worked my entire life to avoid you, but you still found your way into my right breast.
I have done everything you told me to do to keep you at bay: I eat very healthy, I am fit and strong, I breastfed my daughter, I don’t smoke, I rarely drink. I am a good person.
I watched you take my Mom 16 years ago and I have seen you torture the lives of others.
You make me feel that life is very unfair.
Today I will have surgery to remove you, some lymph nodes and my breast from my body. I don’t know what other treatment I will need yet but I hope that whatever it is will get rid of you for good.
I am thankful my daughter is too young to remember you bothering me. I am grateful that the best man I know vowed “in sickness and in health” to me only four months ago. I am pretty sure the love I have felt from my friends and family will kill you alone.
Interestingly, I had “Strength” tattooed on my right side several years ago. At the time it had many meanings to me, but perhaps it was also some form of terrible foreshadowing?
People tell me lately that I’m the strongest person they know. Maybe it’s because I have been through a lot in my short life or maybe it’s because I can do pull-ups and heavy deadlifts! I am usually proud of being strong and I hope I am able to prove these people right.
But because of you I have felt anything but strong the last few weeks. You got the emotions you wanted out of me: anger, frustration, fear, guilt, extreme sadness.
Did I mention anger? I have been so angry.
But today, Breast Cancer, today I will fucking show you strength.