Dealing with my Grief

Since my daughter was born, and especially since I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I have missed my mom a lot. So much that it was weighing on me a lot. I shed a lot of tears in the last three years about my mom’s death.

In October 2019, I went to a beautiful retreat for young women with breast cancer. It was so lovely! However, I left with my heart ripped open. Every aspect of my mom’s death exploded out of me. I felt sad for her. I was upset that she died so young and didn’t get to experience all the things a mother should. I felt her fear of leaving her children before they went through huge life milestones.

I sought counselling and it was suggested I try writing a letter to my mom. It took me a long time to start writing. I had thoughts about what I wanted to say. I knew I wanted to tell her everything that I would tell her today were she alive, or perhaps things I would say if I knew she was going to die tomorrow.

Once I started writing the words came quickly and so did the tears. It was easy to tell her how amazing she had been, how I was sad that she must have been scared knowing her cancer was everywhere, how upset I was that I got to beat breast cancer and she didn’t.

When they letter was complete, I shared it with my husband. Then I left it spread out on my office desk for two weeks. I don’t know what I believe about what happens after death. Maybe she could read the letter? I’m not sure.

A few weeks ago I took the letter to our family cabin property where we spread my mom’s ashes. I burned the letter and let it be there too.

It felt complete. I don’t know how else to describe it.

I still miss my mom and will forever, but I don’t feel weighed down by sorrow and sadness anymore.

Perhaps if you have heavy grief about losing someone you love, or even losing yourself, this exercise would work for you too.

Thank you for reading!

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